I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
