Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
