he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
