Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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