a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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