just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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