I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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