All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
