I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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