do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize