anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
