I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
