the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
