I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
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