white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
