he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
