i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
