i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize