He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
