I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My feet surprised me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
