I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
