you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do herpes really smell.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize