I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
