Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
