it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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