I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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