Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize