At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I believe in your delicious
I would ride that face into the sunset
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
