im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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