i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
