Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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