just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
