So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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