She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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