highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
