Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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