My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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