She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
