I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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