Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
