U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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