Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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