im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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