I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
