Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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