I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize