Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm drive I can fine osifer
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
