sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
