So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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