Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
