John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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