Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
