there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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