He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
