i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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