i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
