So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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