my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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