At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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