Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
