You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
