When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
