The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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