If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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