Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
