can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
