Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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